Phyllis told Carolthat he forgave her, but he would never forget her lack of faith in him.He remained a real gloomy Gus. Carol tried everything from sex to boozeto lift his/her spirits. So far nothing had worked. Carol sipped herdrink and let her mind wonder, trying to think outside the box,contemplating various scenarios to revive their relationship. She ran arange of ideas through her imagination. 'Let me see, every man's fantasyis a three way - no that would raise the thorny issue of who to invite.Besides there is no way I could compete with her body...Maybe just somerole playing, hmmm that has possibilities. Perhaps we could take aromantic vacation; I would love to see Phyllis in a bikini. 'This all brought Carol back full circle to reality. Carol's first attemptat sex with her feminized husband had been an unmitigated disaster.Phyllis had initially rejected Carol's overtures outright. Burdened witha great deal of guilt, Carol spent an inordinate amount of time planningand. He had no say in who his parents were. He was an innocent; he didn't deserve to have his life ripped apart.The scene cut to Amber, tears streaming down her face, a face twisted in the horror of losing her child. It was easy to see she was heart-broken, beaten. It was easy to see the pain and agony she was in as the most dear thing in the world was taken away from her.Good. I almost smiled. It serves the fucking bitch right. Rip her fucking life from her as she ripped mine from me. Finally, the feeling of satisfaction I had been looking for tore through me. Finally, the feeling of justification and joy coursed through my blood. Finally, I felt good about this ... but in a hollow way. It wasn't the unbridled bliss I had thought I'd find.Then the scene cut back to Michael, screaming as he was forced into the car ... and the feeling changed. Now there was true remorse. Now I was truly and completely sorry for what I'd done. I should have found a way to leave Michael out of this. I should.
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